Film Opening
Pirate #1: (He is in a small boat with a trunk) I got it! I got it! I got it!
Pirate #2: Dinghy ahoy.
Pirate #3: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. Captain, dinghy off the... (He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck)
Captain: Dinghy. (Lets Pirate #1 onto the ship, along with the trunk)
Pirate #1: I got it! I got it.
Captain: Where is it?
Pirate #2: It's right here, captain. (Opens the trunk)
Captain: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! (The pirates cheer and they sail to the movie theater, singing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song)
Pirate: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: If nautical nonsense be something you wish?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants,
Pirate: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish?
Choir: SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob SquarePa...a-a-ants!
(The pirates hog the snack bar and get some popcorn. They rush into the theater room, where the movie starts)
[edit] SpongeBob's dream
French Narrator: The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery - the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
(The camera pans down into Bikini Bottom in front of the Krusty Krab)
Police: Back off! Back off! (waves arms to back off at reporters/citizens)
Fish #1: Hey, wait a minute.
Fish #2: What is happening?
Mr. Krabs: Please settle down. (Referring to the Krusty Krab) We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here.
Fish: Look, there he is. (A limousine drives up)
(SpongeBob climbs out of the limousine. He walks toward the Krusty Krab.) Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: It started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! (he cries, but SpongeBob slaps him)
SpongeBob: Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. (goes into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: You got a name?
Phil: Phil.
SpongeBob: You got a family, Phil? (Phil begins to cry) Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children.
SpongeBob: That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: Say cheese. (SpongeBob carefully lifts the bun and Dramatically puts some cheese under. He then comes out of the Krusty Krab with Phil in his arms) Order up.
All(But spongebob): Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip!(Honk!) Hip! Hip!(Honk!) Hip! Hip! (Honk!!!!)
[edit] Awakened from the job as Manager
(Continues from dream) SpongeBob: Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. (Rips calendar page off, reviling the KK2 page.) Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2 where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Gary: Meow. Spongebob: Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. (Camera pulls up, revealing many "employee of the month" portraits)
SpongeBob E.O.T.M Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants!
[edit]Ready for the speech SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. (Goes into walk-in shower, Eats soap, Inserts a hose in his head, Puffs up until soap comes out, Spongebob pulls out paper-like fabric, folds into his pants, back springs off, reviling his rear, brushes eyes with toothpaste, wipes off foam) Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. (Goes outside and runs around in circles) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
(Setting:Bathroom) Squidward: La da dee, la da doo, la da dum, La da dee, la da doo, la da dum,
Squidward and spongebob in unision: La da dee, la da doo, la da dum,La da d...
Squidward: Huh?
Spongebob singing solo:...ee, la da doo, la da dum, Bum Bum Bum, Da da da...
(Squidward interrupts him, and covers himself) Squidward: SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
[edit] SpongeBob's encounter with Patrick
Squidward: Get out! (Throws him out the window)
SpongeBob: Okay. see you at the ceremony. (Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock)
Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2.(Realizes that he doesn't have his trunks on.) Oops. Hold on.(Rock closes, with Patrick on it. Then it opens again.) Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick: I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean.
In unision:Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!
(Rock closes up on them, and opens up a few seconds later. They now have Goofy Goober hats, and a record begins playing on a record player beside Patrick) (SpongeBob and Patrick sings)
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!
SpongeBob: (Notices his watch) I'd better get going. (Takes off the Goofy Goober hat and puts on the Krusty Krab sailor hat) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. (Bounces away)
[edit] KK2 news report/Plankton's rage
(The scene cuts to a large crowd gathered in front of the Krusty Krab. Perch Perkins is on TV, reporting)
Perch Perkins: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. (Krabs has a big grin on his face)
Mr. Krabs: Hello. I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?
Mr. Krabs: Money. (Everyone laughs)
(Plankton is watching the entire scenario out the window of the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer!{plankton clinches}
Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: (Searches through cabinet) W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
Karen: Oh, boy.
Plankton:(Suggestively) Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. (Sniffs it) It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! (Goes outside) So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, i'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! (SpongeBob runs by and accidentally steps on him)
[edit] SpongeBob's encounter with Plankton
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion... I'm ready, promotion...
Plankton: (While being stepped on by SpongeBob) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: Ew, I think I stepped in something...
(Tries to scrape Plankton off)
Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!
SpongeBob: Sorry, Plankton. (Pulls him off his shoe) Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. (Runs off) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Plankton: Stupid kid.
[edit] Bob's new job
(Later, Mr. Krabs is at a stand in front of the Krusty Krab 2. The crowd is still gathered there, seated)
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2.
Mrs. Puff: We paid $9 for this?
Sandy: I paid $10!
Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.
SpongeBob: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway... The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
SpongeBob (Thinking): Yes.
Mr. Krabs: The obvious choice for the job.
SpongeBob (Thinking) : He's right.
Mr. Krabs: A name you all know. It starts with an S.
SpongeBob( Thinking) : That's me.
Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles.
SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! (Shaking Squidward's hand) Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right!
[edit] Patrick's interruption
(Patrick suddenly appears flying on a banner naked with a GO SPONGEBOB flag in his butt.)
Patrick: Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob!
[edit] Theft of the crown
(Later that evening, Plankton is traveling through the sky on his jetpack. He stops in front of a giant castle)
Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune.
(Neptune is sitting in his throne by his daughter Mindy, who is sitting in another throne. Neptune hits the squire on the head with his trident)
Squire: Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. (Guards do so. Neputne then asks the crown polisher a question)
Neptune: So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
Crown polisher: Yes, but...
Neptune: But what?
Crown polisher: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
Mindy: Daddy. (Frees the crown polisher) You're free to go.
Crown polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. (Walks away)
Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?
Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
Neptune: I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea.
Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
Presenter: That would be nice. (Neptune then bonks him on the head)
Neptune: Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone (Everyone except Neptune and Mindy high tail it. Neptune then shows Mindy his crown). What is this, Mindy?
Mindy: Your crown?
Neptune: And what does this crown do?
Mindy: Covers your bald spot.
Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
Mindy: I'm gonna be bald?
Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. (He puts what he thinks is his crown on. It is not the crown. It is the cushion that the crown was on)
Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...
Neptune: What the...? (Discovers that his crown is missing) My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Plankton: (We see Plankton leaving the castle with the crown) I got it. I got it. (He flies past Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, which we get a view of inside. The bar is filled with children eating ice cream. Suddenly, a Goofy Goober Clock speaks)
[edit] Nut bar encounter
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.
Goofy Goober: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy Goober and Kids: Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. (Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal)
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. (Waiter throws one at him) Thanks.
SpongeBob: I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
Patrick:[ with his mouth full ] Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. (he starts to walk away)
Patrick: Okay, see you.
[edit] Sundae rush
Waiter: (Handing Patrick a Triple Gooberberry Sunrise) And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. (SpongeBob starts to walk back to Patrick)
Patrick: Yum!
SpongeBob: Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
Waiter: (Handing SpongeBob one) There you go. (SpongeBob and Patrick gleefully eat rapidly )
Both: Buuurrrp!
SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. (After another eat) Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. (Then they finish two more) Waiter. (Then two more) Oh, waiter. (Two more) Waiter. (Ignores them) Wai-toor. Waiter!
Waiter: Why do I always get the nuts?
SpongeBob: (Up on stage) All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: (We see Patrick and the Goofy Goober up on stage, too) Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called..."Waiter!" (All three faint)
[edit] Awakened from the ice cream blast
(The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up)
Waiter: (To SpongeBob) Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: (After recovering) Oh, my head. (He looks drunk)
Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going.
SpongeBob: My [burp] friend? (Sees Patrick lying on the floor. He looks drunk, too) Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? (Then realizes something) Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...(Disgustedly) Mr. Krabs.
[edit]Neptune's arrival (At the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is pinning the manager pin on Spongebob's shirt. Then he pulls up a telescope to him)
Mr. Krabs: Now, pay attention, Spongebob. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. (Looks through the telescope)Spongebob: Yawn.
Mr. Krabs: What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money.
(Outside, King Neptune gets out of his coach and closes the door on Mindy)
Neptune: Stay in the coach, daughter. (Gets out of the coach) This won't take long.
Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Neptune: Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. (Turns around to leave, but bumps into a pole) Squire. (The Squire, who was with them in the coach, pops onto the scene)
Squire: Yes, Your Highness?
Neptune: Have this pole executed at once.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Mr. Krabs is changing the price of the Krabby Patty)
Squidward: $101 for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: With cheese Mr.Squidward, with cheese.
(Neptune comes into the Krusty Krab)
Neptune: (To the customers) Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Neptune: Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny. For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. (Holds up a piece of paper and shows it to Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs?! (Eyes widen)
Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: But... But this is crazy! I didn't do it.
The Phone: (Mr. Krabs' voice) Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Plankton: Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown.(Krabs Tries to break it as Neptune growls) I sold it to a guy in Shell City, and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Mr. Krabs: (Forced Giddy) Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
Neptune: My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?! (Screams)
(Outside, we see that Plankton is behind it, holding the phone)
Plankton: Plan Z. I love Plan Z.
King Neptune: Prepare to burn, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you, I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.
King Neptune: Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish meal,who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
Sponge Bob: (Looking all drunk) I've got something to say about Mr. (burps) Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Sponge Bob, me boy, you've come just in time. Please, tell King Neptune all about me.
Sponge Bob: I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and always though the was a great boss.
Mr. Krabs: You see? A great boss.
Sponge Bob: I now realize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. Well, I am 100-percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There, I think I made my point.
King Neptune:' Anyone else? No? Well, then. (Fires at Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire!
King Neptune:' And now, Eugene Krabs, you will...
Sponge Bob: Wait! I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
Sponge Bob: Does it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And between you and me...my hair is thinning a bit.
Sponge Bob: Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice...bald...bald...
(Everybody keeps on saying: bald...bald...bald)
Fred: My eyes!
King Neptune:All right, all right.
Sponge Bob: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
King Neptune: You, go to Shell City? No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.
Sponge Bob:But I'm not a kid. I can do it.
King Neptune: Run along, I have a crab to cook.
Sponge Bob: No! I won't let you.
King Neptune: Very well, then. I'll have to fry you both!
Mindy: Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
King Neptune: Mindy, I told you to stay in the carriage.
Mindy: Where's your love and compassion? (Holds Sponge Bob with a cute dolly smile as if to say "Mama".) Look at this little guy. He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
King Neptune: But, daughter, I...
Mindy: Please, Father? At least let him try. What have you got to lose? Might I remind you of your special problem?
(Everybody keeps on saying: bald... bald... bald)
Fred: My eyes!
King Neptune: All right. Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But when your little champion fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the walls. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days. (Patrick pops up)
Patrick:He can do it in nine!
King Neptune: Eight!
Patrick: Seven!
Mr. Krabs and Sponge Bob: Patrick! (They jump on him)
King Neptune: Six!... Six it is, then.
Patrick: (Being choked by Mr. Krabs) Fi..ve...
Sponge Bob: Patrick, shh....!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands! (He points his triton at Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: No, wait. I'm begging you! (King Neptune freezes him)
Squidward: Who turned on the AC? (gasps) Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
Mindy: Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous.
Mindy: There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops (she imitates the Cyclops stomping) who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again.
Patrick: She's pretty, Sponge Bob. (While Mindy is explaining, Patrick is staring at her)
Mindy:Here, take this.
Sponge Bob: What's in here? (Opens bag and few winds blow at his face)
Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Patrick: (To Mindy) You're hot.
Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
Neptune: Mindy!
Mindy: I'm coming. Good luck, Sponge Bob.
Sponge Bob: Wait. How did you know my name?
Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
Patrick: What's my name?
Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. (Patrick blushes from head to toe)
Neptune: Mindy! I gotta go. I believe in you guys.
Sponge Bob: Thanks, Mindy. (Now to Mr. Krabs) Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squid ward: Pass. (He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind)
Sponge Bob: Patrick and I...
Patrick: Hi.
Sponge Bob: ....are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. (Mr. Krabs turns his eyes and looks at them. They are drooling, and look very stupid) Patrick, let's go get that crown! (They run into a secret room under the Krusty Krab 2, and run into the Patty Wagon) Feast your eyes, Patrick.
Patrick: What is it?
Sponge Bob:The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles, grilled-leather interior. And under the hood, a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps.
Patrick: Wow!
Sponge Bob: Yeah, wow.
Patrick: Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
Sponge Bob: (Cool)You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Shell City, here we come!
(Later, Plankton enters the Krusty Krab, looking satisfied with himself. Mr. Krabs is still there, frozen)
Plankton: Ding-a-ling. Hey there, old buddy. (Sarcastically) Freeze. One secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I love you. (Mr. Krabs' tears fall to the ground as Plankton leaves)
(The next scene cuts to Sponge Bob and Patrick riding to a nearby gas station in the Patty Wagon)
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah! (They stop at the gas station, where 2 gas station fish)
Sponge Bob: Fill her up, please.
Gas Station Fish #1: What will it be, fellas?, mustard... or ketchup?! (Both fish laugh)
Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
Sponge Bob: No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
Gas Station Fish #2: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick: Kids?!
Sponge Bob: Now,Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
Both: Shell City? Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
Sponge Bob: That's right.
Gas Station Fish #1: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect.(pause.) Respect for the dead! (Both act goofy and Laugh again.) You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line.
Sponge Bob: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. (He and Patrick get back into the Patty Wagon and pass the county line. A car stealer stops them)
Car Stealer: Out of the car, fellas. (Sponge and Pat obey)
Sponge Bob: How many seconds was that?
Gas Station Fish #2: Twelve.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: In your face! That's what I'm talking about. Yeah!
Patrick: Who's the kid now? (Both walk away)
Gas Station Fish #1: They're dead.
(The scene moves to a crowd entering the Chum Bucket back in Bikini Bottom. Perch Perkins is in front, once again reporting on TV)
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. (He goes inside)
(Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers)
Plankton: Step right up. Plenty for everybody.
Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune...I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out. (he sobs) "By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. (He plants a bucket helmet on his head)
Perch Perkins: Thanks.
Plankton: Bucket helmets for everyone!
Man: (happily) My helmet!
(Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is)
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
Karen: I never agreed.
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now.
Karen: Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. (Displays SpongeBob and Patrick on the road on her computer screen) My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. (Plankton looks at his hands)
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator!
(Miles away, we see a hit man wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road. He looks tough. VERY tough. He stops his motorcycle in front of the gas station. The hitman, Dennis, sees a sesame seed from the Patty Wagon on the ground)
Dennis: (takes off sunglasses in another one) Sesame seed.
Gas Station Fish #1: Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gallons? (Both gas station fish laugh. For this, Dennis rips of their mouths)
(Meanwhile, Sponge Bob and Patrick are still going and are tired)
Patrick: Going on.
Sponge Bob: Yeah! Moving on. Just keep going.
Patrick: Yup.
Sponge Bob: Gonna get that crown.
Patrick: Oh, yeah. All right.
Sponge Bob: Yeah. Victory.
Patrick: Are we there yet?
Sponge Bob: We must be close by now. (Sees a sign) Patrick, look. We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away. (A leaf blocking part of the sign comes off, revealing 2 more words)
Patrick: By car.
Sponge Bob: (sadly)I wish we still had our car.
Patrick: Sponge Bob, look!
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Our car! Ahh. (We see the Patty Wagon in front of a beat-up bar. Sponge and Pat are about ready to get in the Patty Wagon, but Sponge Bob notices that the key is missing)
Sponge Bob: (gasp)The key.
Patrick: Where do you think it is? (A man is thrown out of the bar, the Thug Tug, groaning in pain. SpongeBob and Patrick peek in through the window and see the key in the car stealer's pocket)
Sponge Bob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
Patrick: I know. Walk in and ask him for it.
Thug: What are you looking at? (we see and hear Punchs.)
Sponge Bob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
Patrick: Sorry.
Sponge Bob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: Oh oh.. Wait. I wanna do the distraction.
Sponge Bob: OK. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.
(Patrick then walks inside the Thug Tug, looking tough) Thug: You see me walking?!
Patrick: Can I have everybody's attention? (Everybody comes closer to Patrick) I have to use the bathroom.
Car Stealer: It's right over there. (Spots Sponge Bob trying to take the key from him. Spongy makes up something else)
Sponge Bob: Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. (Runs away)
(Inside the restroom, Patrick is whizzing. He finishes as Sponge Bob comes in)
Sponge Bob: Patrick. You call that a distraction?
Patrick: Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
Sponge Bob: Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. (Sponge Bob pushes the soap dispenser and bubbles came out.) Patrick, check it out! Patrick: Oooooh.
Sponge Bob and Patrick: Hooray! Bubble party! (The duo parties with the bubbles. One floats out of the restroom and into the Thug Tug bar)
Thug Tug Owner: Hey! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules!
Everybody in the Thug Tug: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
Thug Tug Owner: That's right! So who blew it?(Inside the two look bad and pop all the bubbles.) So nobody knows.
Tough Guy #1: Maybe it was...
Thug Tug Owner: Shut up! (Throws a chair on him) Somebody in here ain't a real man. (Sees Sponge and Pat trying to sneak out) You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody line up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to this. (The Goofy Goober theme song plays)
Patrick:Sponge Bob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
Sponge Bob: I know. (Sponge Bob and Patrick try to resist to sing along)
Goofy Goober (On record): Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah Tough Guy #2: (coughs)
Thug Tug Owner: It was you! You're the baby!
Tough Guy #2: No, no! I only coughed, I swear. (The owner eyes him)
Thug Tug Owner: DJ! Turn it up louder!
Sponge Bob: Don't sing along, Patrick!
Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard. (The owner notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing)
Thug Tug Owner: I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah! (Sponge and Pat are about to sing, when some double-headed twins sing instead)
Double Headed Twins: Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!
Thug Tug Owner:Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?
Double Headed Twins #1 and #2:It was him. He did it. I've never even eaten at...Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!
Thug Tug Owner: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby! (All of the tough guys start beating them up while Sponge Bob and Patrick sneak out of the Thug Tug)
Sponge Bob: Man, that was a close call.
Patrick: Guess what I got. (Pulls out the key)
Sponge Bob: The key! Shhh..
(He and Patrick start up the Patty Wagon, get in, and drive away)
(Back in Bikini Bottom the next morning, Squid ward is enjoying the time without Sponge Bob)
Squid ward: Too bad Sponge Bob's not here to enjoy Sponge Bob not being here. (He starts to ride his bike around town)
Fish: Morning. (Squid ward notices he is wearing a Chum Bucket helmet)
Squid ward: Some people have no taste in headgear. (Looks around more and sees everyone with a helmet, even a baby) Babies too? (Rides over to a female fish in a boat, waiting for the light to change) Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid head wear?
Female Fish: (She looks around) Who said that?
Squid ward: Down here.
Female Fish: (Finds Squid) Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.
Squid ward: Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
(At the Chum Bucket, Plankton is enjoying his day and watching his customers. Squid ward bursts in)
Squid ward: So you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squid ward. (Pulls out a helmet) And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squid ward: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Plankton: And what's that supposed to mean?
Squid ward: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. (Plankton looks at his hands) It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Loose lips. (Presses a button on Karen)
Karen: Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squid ward: Huh? What? (A satelite goes up on the Chum Bucket, causing the bucket helmets to start to control their wearers)
Wearers of Helmets: All hail Plankton.
Squid ward: (Eyes widened) What's going on here?
Plankton's Slaves (Wearers of Helmets): All hail Plankton.
Plankton: Seize him, slaves!
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Squid ward: I'm getting out of here! (Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him)
Slaves: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
(Squid ward, cornered, screams in horror as Plankton's slaves capture him)
Plankton: Who can stop me now? Who?!
(Meanwhile, Sponge and Pat are still traveling in the Patty Wagon. They are laughing from something Patrick has done)
Sponge Bob: Come on, Pat, one more time.
Patrick: Okay. (Imitates the guy who owns the Thug Tug) We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. (Sponge Bob and Patrick laughs)
Sponge Bob: Weed them out. Patrick: What a jerk. Sponge Bob: Woah..The road's getting kind of bumpy here.
Patrick: You know, Sponge Bob, there's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
Sponge Bob: What's that, Patrick?
Patrick: A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here in man's country.
Sponge Bob: Yeah. (Then realizes something) Wait. We blew that bubble. Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby? (Both think about this until he spots a free ice cream stand) Hey, look, free ice cream!
Sponge bob:Oh, boy! (go gets the ice cream) Patrick:(Talks to self) How you doing? Wait a minute. (Patrick looks at his surroundings and looked worried) Wait a minute. Sponge Bob!
Sponge Bob: Yeah?
Patrick: Make mine a chocolate!
Sponge Bob: Got you covered. (To the old woman) Two, please.
Old Woman: Certainly. You kids enjoy.
Sponge Bob: Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks. (Gets bowl) Hey, Patrick, let's... (His hand is stuck on the bowl, which the old woman is still holding) You can let go now. I said, let go, please. What is this? What kind of old lady are you? (A huge frog fish comes out of the ground, revealing that the old woman was its tongue. When the frog fish is about to eat SpongeBob, he breaks lose and falls into the Patty Wagon)
Patrick: Did you get the ice cream? (frog fish roars)
Sponge Bob: Step on it, Patrick! (Patrick drives the Patty Wagon at top speed away from the frog fish, which is in hot pursuit)
(Dennis has arrived at The Thug Tug, at that time, and is looking around. He finds SpongeBob and Patrick's bubble. Suddenly, all of the thugs appear)
Thug Tug Owner: Hey! (Dennis turns around) You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles. (Snaps his fingers and all of the thugs say the rule)
All Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied (Dennis punches the owner into the Thug Tug, which breaks and falls into the ground)... In bar... bar... (Dennis drives away)
(Cut back to Spong eBob and Patrick still fleeing from the monster)
Old Woman: Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers.
Sponge Bob: Jump for it, Patrick! (They jump out of the Patty Wagon, which the monster eats. Another monster eats that monster, and a monster about 4,000 feet long eats that one. SpongeBob and Patrick stare in disbelief) Well, we lost our car again.
Patrick: Never mind the car, where's the road? Road, road, road, road, road, road, road, r... Sorry.
Sponge Bob: There's the road. On the other side of this (Looks down the trench in front of them) .....deep, dark.....dangerous...
Patrick: Hazardous.
Sponge Bob: Hazardous...
Patrick: Monster-infested.
Sponge Bob: Yeah, monster-infested..... trench.
Patrick: Hey, Sponge Bob, look! Here's the way down. Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to Shell City. (Patrick took the first step and monsters growls) Hey, look, it's making noise. Sponge Bob? (Sees him about to leave) Hey, where are you going?
Sponge Bob: I'm going home, Patrick.
Patrick: But what about Mr. Krabs?
Sponge Bob: What about us? We'll never survive in that trench. You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just...kids.
Patrick: We're not kids.
Sponge Bob: (Fed up) Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here!
Patrick: We do not worship him.
Sponge Bob: (Pulls down his shorts) You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. (We see Patrick's underwear with the Goofy Goober on it) What do you call that?
Patrick: Worship? (Gets tears in his eyes) You're right, Sponge Bob. We are kids. (Runs around)
Sponge Bob: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Mindy: But you can't go home.
(Sponge Bob and Patrick see that the voice belongs to Mindy)
Patrick: Mindy! (Struggles to put his shorts on)
Sponge Bob: Mindy? How much did you hear?
Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick: Did you see my underwear?
Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick: Did you want to?
Mindy: Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
Sponge Bob: What do you mean, the only ones left?
Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. (Pulls out a magical clam, which opens up revealing Bikini Bottom now) Or should I say Planktopolis.
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Plankton: No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster!
Sponge Bob: Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. (We see what everyone is doing for Plankton) Squid ward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. (Sponge Bob gasps) Even Gary.
Gary: Meow Plankton.
Sponge Bob: Can't your father do something?
Mindy: My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. (The magical clam shows Neptune's bald spot about to be sprayed by the Squire with hair growth spray)
Neptune: Squire, will you hurry? (The Squire is nervous. He closes his eyes and sprays. Well, he accidentally sprays Neptune's eyes, which grow hair)
Mindy: (She closes the clam) So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.
Sponge Bob: But... But we're just...
Mindy: Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. d what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! (Swims up into the sky, then comes back down)
Sponge Bob: I believe.
Mindy: That's the spirit.
Sponge Bob: I believe that everybody we know is a goner! (He and Patrick begin crying)
Mindy: Come on, guys. (They don't stop) Guys. (They still don't stop) Guys? Guys? (No answer) Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. (Then she comes up with an idea) Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. (Sponge Bob and Patrick stop crying)
Sponge Bob: You can do that? How?
Mindy: With my mermaid magic.
Sponge Bob: Did you hear that, Patrick? She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!
Mindy: Good. Now, let's get started. Close your eyes.
SpongeBob: Are we men yet?
Mindy: Not yet. Spin around three times.
SpongeBob: (Whispers) I think it's working. (They turn around like they are doing ballet)
Mindy: Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. (Grabs two sea weed and puts them onto SpongeBob and Patrick as mustache) With my mermaid's magic and my one tailfin (Patrick giggles), I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes.
SpongeBob: I don't feel any... (Notices that Patrick has a "mustache") Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache!
Patrick: So do you!
Mindy: So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City? (SpongeBob and Patrick adores their mustaches) Guys!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah?
Mindy: I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, yeah!
Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Heck, no!
Mindy: And why?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Because we're invincible! (Jump off trench) Yeah!
Mindy: I never said that!
(As they fall, SpongeBob and Patrick do tough moves)
SpongeBob: Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, buddy?
SpongeBob: Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs?
Patrick: Bec... well...
SpongeBob: (A branch catches them and stops them from falling and they land safely on the ground) Patrick.
Patrick: Are we dead?
SpongeBob No, far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The mustaches worked! Do you know what that means?
Patrick: We are invincible!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Burst into song, the whole time dodging monsters) Now that we're men, we can do anything. Now that we're men, we are invincible. Now that we're men, we'll go to Shell City, get the crown, save the town, and Mr. Krabs. Now that we're men, SpongeBob: We have facial hair. SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men,
Patrick: I change my underwear. (Does so)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men, we've got a manly flair. We've got the stuff. We're tough enough to save the day. We never had a chance when we were kids. No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did. (The two begin dancing)
SpongeBob: Yeah, go, Pat. Oh yeah.
Patrick: Yeah, go, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
Monsters: Now that they're men,
We can't bother them.
Now that they're men, they have become our friends.
Now that they're men, there'll be a happy end.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest for the crown.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest.
They'll pass the test and finish the quest for the crown!
(The group happily reaches the top of a trench as SpongeBob notices a sign)
SpongeBob: "Shell City, dead ahead." We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. (Monsters begin to walk away) Not you guys. You guys are awesome! (Monsters just keep walking) Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Now that we're men... (They are interrupted by Dennis the exterminator)
Dennis: Finally. I got you right where I want you.
SpongeBob: Can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob: You're gonna exterminate us? (They look at each other and laugh)
Spongebob Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis: You mean these? (Rips SpongeBob and Patrick's fake mustache Off of their faces, Spongebob And patrick wimper while feeling their cheeks in horror) I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.
(Dennis throws seaweed Dramatically, seaweed falls to the ground after a slight spin)
SpongeBob: They were fake?
Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. (He grows a mustache)
Patrick: Is he a mermaid?
Dennis: All right. Enough gab.
SpongeBob: What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob: Plankton?
Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Patrick: Step on us?
Dennis: Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown!
(Spongebob and patrick look at each other again, this time, more scared)
Dennis: uhhh... Perhaps I've said too much. (Raises up his foot, ready to step on the two)
SpongeBob: That's a big boot.
Dennis: Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot. (Laughs maniacally) I love this job! (An extremely large boot stomps on Dennis)
Patrick: Bigger boot! (Starts to run away, but SpongeBob stops him)
SpongeBob: Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our lives.
in unison:Thank you, stranger.
(Spongebob looks up)
Spongebob: uhh... Stranger?
(Scuba diver looks at them)
Spongebob: It's the Cyclops! (The two Try to run, but the Scuba diver grabs them and takes them with him)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Help us! Help us! Save us, someone!
(SpongeBob and Patrick have recovered on a bed of tank pebbles)
Patrick: Are we dead?
SpongeBob: I don't think so. (Inspects the ground) Artificially colored rocks?
(Patrick eats the pebbles)
Spongebob:I don't know where we are.(Bumps into glass) What is this?
Patrick: It's some kind of wall of psychic energy. (Taps the glass of the fishbowl they are in)
SpongeBob: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
(Screen zooms out to show the outside of the fish bowl)
Spongebob Hey, there's some fish folk.
(Camera unblurrs to show some fish Knick-Knacks on the shelves and nooks)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, over here! Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! You guys, hey! Help! Hey! Help! A little help here! We're stuck in this... (Patrick stops yelling) Wait a second.
(Camera shows 3 knick-knacks, Some seahorses, A Puffer fish (Mr.Puff), And a Spanish band)
SpongeBob: Those fish are... (Camera zooms in to spngebob's mouth) dead.
Spongebob: What's he gonna do to us? (The Cyclops appears and takes out a small toolbox) Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture. (The cyclops takes out glue and google eyes)
SpongeBob: Glue? Google eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of (The Cyclops glues the google eyes on a clam, and puts a hat on it and a play phone near it) ... Alexander Clam Bell? Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks. And I think we're next.
Patrick: You think so? (Cyclops takes Patrick out of bowl)
SpongeBob: Patrick! No! (Cyclops takes SpongeBob out of bowl and puts both on a table with a heating lamp in front) The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move.
Patrick: Tell me about it.
SpongeBob: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
Patrick: (In a old man voice) You mean we're not gonna get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy. (SpongeBob's arm falls off, then Patrick puts it back)
SpongeBob: Thanks.
Patrick: Don't mention it.
SpongeBob: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
Patrick: You mean that we're attractive?
SpongeBob: No, that we're just kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
Patrick: Shell City.
SpongeBob: OK, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
Patrick: No, look at the sign. (SpongeBob sees what he was talking about. A sign by the door) "Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries."
SpongeBob: Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...? (Camera zooms out to show Neptune's crown sitting on a cushion)
Patrick and SpongeBob: Crown!
SpongeBob: Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did all right for a couple of goofballs. (Both shed one tear of joy)
SpongeBob: (In a weak voice) I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah...
In unison: (Also in a weak voice) You're a Goofy Goober, yeah...
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Camera goes down to show tears in 2 combined teardrops) We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah.(Screen goes back up to show the two drying) Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah (The two dehydrate and die)
(Back in the theater, all of the pirates are crying)
Captain: That's the end of SpongeBob. (To a pirate) Come here, you. (Hugs him tight)
Captain's Parrot: Shut up and look at the screen.
Captain: The bird's right. Look! (Camera goes back to movie to show the tears again) It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers!
(Back in the movie, we see SpongeBob and Patrick's tears short circuit the lamp, and the smoke turns on the sprinklers. They come back to life from the water and suffocate for one second)
SpongeBob: Hey, we're alive! (At the theater, the audience went wild and the pirates all cheered) Let's get that crown.
Patrick: Right. (He and Sponge rush over to the crown and get ready to pick it up)
SpongeBob: On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. (Cyclops picks up crown) Hey, it's lighter than I thought. (The camera pulls up to reveal that the Scuba diver is the one that picked it up. Suddenly, all of the sea creatures in the room begin to shake and come back to life because of the water sprinklers)
Patrick: What's happening?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Look! (1,007 sea creatures, inclding Mr.puff, The spanish band, the sea horses and 3 of Patrick's relatives reanimate. 3 Lobsters that bear a strong resemblance to mr.krabs, Squirt Glue at the Scuba diver and the other sea creatures attack the Scuba diver and Sponge and Pat escape) Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. (The two carry the crown outside to the beach)
SpongeBob: Do you still have that bag of winds?
Patrick: I sure do. (Patrick shows a lump on his butt) Here you go. (Pulls out the bag. SpongeBob stares at him, wide-eyed) What?
SpongeBob: Nothing, nothing... Okay, let's go over the instructions. (Reads the paper with the instructions on it) Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. "
Patrick: OK. (Points bag at Shell City)
SpongeBob: "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. "
Patrick: Right! (Plants his feet in the sand)
SpongeBob: "Step three: Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. "
Patrick: Check. (Pulls the string tied around the bag, and the bag flies out of his arm)
SpongeBob: Well, that seems simple enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground, pull string, releasing the winds. All right, let's do it for real.
Patrick: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: No, no, stop! (He chases after the bag)
Patrick: I was bad, I'm sorry! Please, bag. I'm sorry, I just thought... It was a mistake!
SpongeBob: Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there. (Sponge and Pat spot David Hasselhoff running towards them)
SpongeBob: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!
SpongeBob: So where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat? (He laughs hearty)
(Hasselhoff puts SpongeBob and Patrick on his back and starts swimming toward Bikini Bottom)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Go, Hasselhoff!
SpongeBob: Next stop, Bikini Bottom.
(In Bikini Bottom, Plankton's slaves are still under control)
Bikini Bottom Residents: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2, Plankton is walking in)
Plankton: Well, Krabs, you know what today is? (Looks at calendar. The date is wrong) Sorry about this, calendar. (Changes it) March 14? Wait, that's not right. It should say "The day that Krabs fries!" (Looks out the window and sees Neptune and Mindy arrive) Guess who's here.
(Above the ocean, Hasselhoff is now gliding like a motor boat)
SpongeBob: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now.
Patrick: Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
SpongeBob: It looks like... (We see the Cyclops' boot in pursuit of Hasselhoff)
SpongeBob: Bigger boot. But how? (The boot slips onto Hasselhoff’s foot, then lifts, and Dennis reforms, his glasses are broken. SpongeBob and Patrick scream)
Dennis: Did you miss me?
(At the Krusty Krab 2, Neptune and Mindy arrive)
Plankton: (He has popcorn and a drink with him. He is sitting on a small chair) This is the best seat in the house. All right, Neptune, let's get it on!
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die!
Mr. Krabs: (Krabs is rapidly sweating mounds of ice cubes) Please, I didn't do it.
Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.
Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time... What? (Realizes what he just said, then turns to Mindy) Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.
Mindy: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
Neptune: Yes, you are.
Mindy: No, I'm not.
Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
Mindy: I'm stalling.
Neptune: Yes.
Mindy: Stalling?
Neptune: Stalling!
Mindy: Stalling.
Neptune: Stalling!
Plankton: Oh, boy.
(Back above the ocean, Dennis has appeared)
Dennis: Now, where were we?
SpongeBob: Patrick, run.
Patrick: No, I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop... (Dennis throws Patrick towards Hasselhoff's feet) Run, SpongeBob! (Spongy runs. Dennis pulls out a knife, which he accidentally Impales Hasselhoff in the butt with)
David Hasselhoff: Take it easy back there, fellas.
Patrick: SpongeBob, be careful.
Dennis: Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.
SpongeBob: Neveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! (Jumps to Hasselhoff's other foot dramatically) Yeah! I did it! (But Dennis has also made it)
Dennis: You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.
SpongeBob: I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while. (gives Dennis 5 Goober Dollars)
Dennis: It's gonna take a lot more than five...What is this?
SpongeBob: That, sir, is five Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober (Grabs SpongeBob)... I got bubbles. Fun at parties. (Wind blows bubbles into Dennis' eyes)
Dennis: My eyes! (Throws SpongeBob)
Patrick: I got you, SpongeBob. (Catches him)
SpongeBob: Thanks, buddy. (Sees Dennis about to step on them) Thanks a lot.
Dennis: (Last lines) That's it. I'm through messing around. See you later, fools! (He is just about to stomp on them when he notices an upcoming catamaran, which he is too big to go under because of his head. Hasselhoff swims right under it, but Dennis is too big to go through, and is decapitated)
Patrick: See you.
(Inside the Krusty Krab 2)
Mindy: So you think....I'm....stalling.
Neptune: Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done!
Mindy: But, Daddy...
Neptune: Now! (She goes outside. Neptune put locks on the door)
Mindy: No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.
(Above the surface, Hasselhoff has stopped swimming)
Hasselhoff: (Stands up) Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below.
SpongeBob: But we'll never be able to float down in time.
Hasselhoff: Who said anything about floating? (Pecs turn into launchers)
Announcer:Initiating launch sequence.
SpongeBob: Did you see that?
Patrick: The control.
Announcer: All hands on deck. Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...
Neptune: (Lights his triton) Eugene Krabs, the time has come...
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton: Yes!
Announcer: ...six, five...
Neptune: ....for you....
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton: (Pulls Antennae) Yes!
Announcer: ...three, two...
Neptune: ....to fry!
Mindy: (Outside) No!
Plankton:(Wide-eyed) Yes!
Announcer: ... one. (SpongeBob, Patrick, and the crown are launched back down to Bikini Bottom.
Mr. Krabs: NO! (Just then, Sponge and Pat fall through the roof. Krabs is about to be fried, but the crown blocks the ray, and it is blasted up to land, where Hasselhoff is lying down)
Hasselhoff: (Last lines) You done good, Hasselhoff. You done... (He is blasted with Neptune's ray and survives) ow.
SpongeBob: Hooray! We made it!
Patrick: We made it!
Neptune:My crown! My beautiful crown!
Mindy: (Comes inside) SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it! (Hugs them. Plankton then starts clapping slowly)
Plankton: (Sarcastically) Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob: (Sarcastically) Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! (Pulls a cord that is hanging above him)
SpongeBob, Mindy, and Patrick: Umbrella? (Turn to Neptune, who is kissing his crown. The ceiling opens up and a helmet falls out. It lands on Neptune's head. He struggles to get it off)
Mindy: Daddy, no!
Plankton: Daddy, yes! (Pulls out a remote control with only a big, red button on it. He presses the button)
Neptune: (We see Neptune still struggling. A few seconds later, he stops and says only 3 words) All hail Plankton. (Mindy, SpongeBob, and Patrick scream. Plankton's slaves burst in through the windows)
Peopole: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. (Patrick, Mindy, and SpongeBob back up against the wall. Neptune lights his trident)
Patrick: SpongeBob, what happened?
SpongeBob: Plankton cheated.
Plankton: Cheated? (Now to Neptune) Hold on there, baldy. (Now to SpongeBob) Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool! And you know why?
SpongeBob: Because you cheated?
Plankton: No, not because I cheated! Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid!
SpongeBob: I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid.
Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.
SpongeBob: And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, and seven-and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, It's that you are who you are.
Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
SpongeBob: And no amount of mermaid magic...(Turns to Mindy)...or managerial promotion... (Turns to the frozen Mr. Krabs)...or some other third thing...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: A kid.
Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.
SpongeBob: But that's okay.
Plankton: What? What's going on?
SpongeBob: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back.
Plankton: All right, we get the point.
SpongeBob: So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Plankton: What's going on here?
SpongeBob: But most of all, I'm... (fog starts to appear)
Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy.
SpongeBob: I'm... I'm...
Plankton: What the scallop?!
SpongeBob: (Bursts into song) I'm a Goofy Goober! Rock! (Plankton is flung into the wall)
You're a Goofy Goober! Rock!
We're all Goofy Goobers! Rock!
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober!
Put your toys away,
Well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play,
I say no way.
No way!
No, no, (changed to no on the soundtrack) way!
I'm a kid, you say, when you say
I'm a kid I say,
"Say it again" and then I say thanks. Thanks!
Thank you very much!
So if you're thinking that you'd like to be like me,
Go ahead and try.
The kid inside will set you free!
I'm a Goofy Goober! Rock!
Plankton: (He is recovering from being flung into the wall) What's happening? (Sees SpongeBob dancing) His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. (To slaves) Seize him!
People: All hail Plankton. (Crowd in around SpongeBob. A few seconds later, SpongeBob bursts out in a wizard costume, playing an electric guitar, which he uses to free a fish)
Fish: (After SpongeBob zaps his helmet, and it comes off)I'm free. I've been freed!
Plankton: What? (SpongeBob zaps more helmets off) No! (More helmets come off) My precious helmets! (SpongeBob zaps the helmets off of Squidward, Sandy, Mrs. Puff, and Gary)
Squidward: Huh?
Mrs. Puff: Oh!
Sandy: Yee-haw!
Gary: Meow.
Plankton: His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? (Looks for her. She is surfing the crowd) All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to...(SpongeBob frees Neptune. Mindy hands him his crown)
Mindy: Here you go, Daddy.
Plankton: I better get out of here. (Runs for the door, but more freed fish burst in)
Fish: Look, it's the wizard who saved us.
Plankton: Out of my way, fools. (The freed fish ignore him and rush to see SpongeBob, running over Plankton in the process)Ow! Ow! Ow! (yelping)
(Later, the police have arrived and are arresting Plankton)
Plankton: (He is know squished into the form of a shoe. The policemen pick him up and put him in a cage) Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments...Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? (His cage is put in a police car, which drives away) I will destroy all of you! (Everyone that was watching)
Neptune: Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. Now, let's go home. (Turns to leave, but is stopped by Mindy)
Mindy: Daddy, haven't you forgotten something?
Neptune: What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. (He does so, but Mr. Krabs is now a human instead of a crab)
Krabs: What the...?
Neptune: I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. (Sets it right) He then turns Krabs back into a crab) Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employment such a brave, faithful, and heroic young lad. Where is he, anyway?
SpongeBob: I'm up here. (We see him hanging from ropes)
Patrick: I'm on it. (Gets SpongeBob down)
Neptune: Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. (Krabs walks over to SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted ye. That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. (They hug)
Mr. Krabs: And now, Squidward, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Spongebob! Front and center, please. (Spongebob comes)I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. (Looks at Squidward)
Spongebob: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Fish: Hooray for squidward!
(Everyone cheers)
SpongeBob: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob: Are you crazy? (Grabs manager pin)I was just gonna say that your fly is down! (Squidward's eyes widen) Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! (The credits begin rolling as songs play)